Day 101

So is it weird that Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas this year and I think it has something to do with sugar? We've put up the lights, we're going to buy a few presents this weekend and still nothing..it feels flat. I've been trying to figure out if it's because the quarter just ended, I moved a library and we're working extra hours every day because of manditory overtime for John, or is it because I haven't made any fudge, carmel shortbread or cookies?

Christmas is a celebration of Christ's birth, so why in my mind is it tied to homemade carmels, 7 layer bars, sprtiz cookies, frozen fudge and trifle? Could it be because I really enjoyed baking with my parents at this time of year. That we all snuck out to the freezer in the garage to eat frozen fudge, until we had to cook another batch?

Or is it that my Grandma Bessie would bake her self into a near coma before we would arrive for Christmas? I've realized for years that cooking was my grandma's way of showing she loved you. She wasn't a very huggy kind of person, so instead of squeezing you tight and telling you how much she thought of you, she'd put out a plate of divinity and rocky road to tell you were special...cause really if you weren't would she have gone to all the trouble?

In the past few years, I've learned to make really good fudge (it's the secret ingredient ... chili poweder, it enhances the chocolate flavour) and I've learned to make John's favorite millionare shortbread which soon became one of my biggest downfalls, butter shortbread, homemade carmel and chocolate, what's not to like? Does my husband feel less loved because I'm not making him a triffle for Christmas this year like his mother did? Is it wrong to take away this tangible reminder of his mother's love on his first Christmas without her?

Why am I tormented by sugar this time of the year? The damn sugarplum fairies need to move out of my head. Now.