No sugar added. Day 30...wow it makes me happy to see all of the days racking up under September. It seems like just yesterday we were white knuckling it across Wyoming and now look at me! So after 30 days do I feel any different? I think I do both physically and mentally.
I don't have the huge mood swings that sugar gives, nor do I have the self loathing that eating crap brings. I also am having fewer headaches..and maybe, just maybe I'm beginning to learn to cope with stress, anger, disappointments and other emotions in a healthier way, instead of crunching them down with the m&ms. I've been able to travel, see old friends, have people over for dinner and celebrate birthdays without sugar....those were some of the things that frightened me the most, and there you go, not as hard as I'd made it out to be.
Let's see what the next 30 days bring.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Day 29
No sugar added. I sat down to eat my soup today and after the first bite realized that it was truly nasty. Corn chipolte chowder sounds good doesn't it? It wasn't. Susan offered me some hummus and sun dried tomatoes. At first I said no, but then I thought you'd rather be prideful and eat something that tastes this bad? So I thanked her enjoyed the hummus. Life is too short to eat bad soup!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Day 28
No sugar today. I made lovely baked apples for dessert with cranberries, walnuts and oatmeal in the middle..no sugar and delicious! Also went on a long walk today.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Day 27
No sugar added. Knowledge was added through studying though.
Went to the movie last night, Ghost Town. Really funny and charming. John and I hadn't eaten any dinner and he wanted a Coke and I wanted some M&Ms, so we got a small popcorn and a bottle of water and pretended they were Coke and chocolate. Colton is right, it is a lifestyle. You just don't give yourself any wiggle room.
Went to the movie last night, Ghost Town. Really funny and charming. John and I hadn't eaten any dinner and he wanted a Coke and I wanted some M&Ms, so we got a small popcorn and a bottle of water and pretended they were Coke and chocolate. Colton is right, it is a lifestyle. You just don't give yourself any wiggle room.
Day 26
Full day of class, it felt good to get my working hard again. I really enjoyed walking to campus and looking at all the flowers, Fall quarter is the best weather I've seen in Seattle. During class we have all sorts of breaks for coffee. Usually I have a cocoa and a scone. Instead, I brought an apple and a nut bar and drank a lot of water.
The airport was also interesting. I think this is the first time in my life that I've been in an airport and not had some chocolate. I finally found the "cool" part of the Seattle airport..I knew it had to be there somewhere, generally I just go to Gate A and sit. Yesterday I found this amazing space with windows looking out to the cascades. I got a veggie pizza, sat down in a rocking chair and watched the sunset. It was spectacular.
Glad to be home and proud of myself for traveling sans sugar.
The airport was also interesting. I think this is the first time in my life that I've been in an airport and not had some chocolate. I finally found the "cool" part of the Seattle airport..I knew it had to be there somewhere, generally I just go to Gate A and sit. Yesterday I found this amazing space with windows looking out to the cascades. I got a veggie pizza, sat down in a rocking chair and watched the sunset. It was spectacular.
Glad to be home and proud of myself for traveling sans sugar.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Day 24
Ultimate challenge today. I punched holes and tied ribbons to attach to cards, 50 small bags of M&Ms. Yes, the chocolate smelled good and there was even a bag that could have been qualified as collateral damage...but I was working with Susan and Madeline who are two of my main supporters in the challenge and there was no way I was going to eat chocolate in front of them...nor did the M&Ms smell good enough to give up my hopes of a sea kayak. So I just chatted and tied knots and didn't even think about eating one after the initial..woo hoo m&m feeling. It went away pretty quickly so I could focus on the task at hand.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Day 23
So a couple of people have asked why no sugar...yes I need to lose weight, yes I feel like sometimes food controls me instead of the other way around, but in reality this whole thing is about keeping a promise and getting a sea kayak. Here's how this whole challenge came about..as explained in a comment back on day 9.
When we were in Utah last month, our nephew was carrying around a big thermos of water everywhere he went. I finally asked him about it and he said that on New Year's Day he and his sister Jaden had given up pop for a year. If they acheive a year without pop, they get a $100 from their parents. I asked him if it was hard and he said, "No, it's just a lifestyle." Well, then my brother offered my mom $1,000 to go an entire year without pop. And then Johnny offered me a sea kayak if I could go an entire year without sugar; ie. cookies, cake, brownies, candy, pudding and the like. I in turn offered him a road bike if he could go a year without soda and fastfood. So basically, we're on day 23 today and it's getting easier.
When we were in Utah last month, our nephew was carrying around a big thermos of water everywhere he went. I finally asked him about it and he said that on New Year's Day he and his sister Jaden had given up pop for a year. If they acheive a year without pop, they get a $100 from their parents. I asked him if it was hard and he said, "No, it's just a lifestyle." Well, then my brother offered my mom $1,000 to go an entire year without pop. And then Johnny offered me a sea kayak if I could go an entire year without sugar; ie. cookies, cake, brownies, candy, pudding and the like. I in turn offered him a road bike if he could go a year without soda and fastfood. So basically, we're on day 23 today and it's getting easier.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Day 22
The ultimate challenge, a Manic Monday where I feel a little stressed and down and Susan's chocolate cake for Cathy's birthday...ganche...yummy. I ate a plum and Susan suggested moving the cake downstairs to Katherine's area so I didn't have to deal with it being next door all day when I'm up here by myself..nice. It looked pretty though.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Day 21
Three weeks...only 53 to go :-) Frustrated with student loan office..maybe the money I used to spend on treats and John spent on pop and fast food will make up for the difference.
Day 20
No I didn't fall off the wagon yesterday, I was just so busy I forgot to post.
We had finely tuned schedule yesterday that looked like this:
10:45 - Dog to Groomer
10:50-11:30 - Kohl's for new shoes for me and some new clothes for John
11:40-12:15 - Washed car and petroled up
12:25-12:35 - Picked up memory card at Circuit City
12:40-1:45 - Project Angel Heart
2:00-2:15 - Drop by mom and dad to pick up produce
2:30-4:30 - Hair appointment
We had to hit everything exactly right or we wouldn't have gotten everything done. In the past, John would have had a bottle of coke in the car for energy and we would have had a chocolate bar at some point. Instead we took a bottle of water, two cereal bars, a banana and a pear. Ta - Da, we've also discovered banana chocolate smoothie. 1 banana, 1 banana, 1 tbs honey, 16 oz milk, 1 cup ice and 1 tbs of cocoa powder..no sugar in it and only 20 calories. It's creamy, it's healthy and tastes super yummy.
We had finely tuned schedule yesterday that looked like this:
10:45 - Dog to Groomer
10:50-11:30 - Kohl's for new shoes for me and some new clothes for John
11:40-12:15 - Washed car and petroled up
12:25-12:35 - Picked up memory card at Circuit City
12:40-1:45 - Project Angel Heart
2:00-2:15 - Drop by mom and dad to pick up produce
2:30-4:30 - Hair appointment
We had to hit everything exactly right or we wouldn't have gotten everything done. In the past, John would have had a bottle of coke in the car for energy and we would have had a chocolate bar at some point. Instead we took a bottle of water, two cereal bars, a banana and a pear. Ta - Da, we've also discovered banana chocolate smoothie. 1 banana, 1 banana, 1 tbs honey, 16 oz milk, 1 cup ice and 1 tbs of cocoa powder..no sugar in it and only 20 calories. It's creamy, it's healthy and tastes super yummy.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Day 19
Much better than yesterday. It could be because we woke talking like pirates or else that I'm just better balanced today. I had a very yummy lunch of pita bread with humus, goat cheese, a fresh tomato, a fresh cucumber and a very nice green pepper. With a plum to afters..very tasty indeed.
Got a bit of an intellectual buzz going this morning over a question at work. I realized I've not used my brain as much as I could have this summer...but then maybe that was the point. Also felt the first bits of the physical manifestations of stress that will soon be upon me, the tightening shoulders and twitchy eye. Nice!
Got a bit of an intellectual buzz going this morning over a question at work. I realized I've not used my brain as much as I could have this summer...but then maybe that was the point. Also felt the first bits of the physical manifestations of stress that will soon be upon me, the tightening shoulders and twitchy eye. Nice!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Day 18
ARGGHHHH - PMS with no chocolate...seriously not fun at all. I feel like punching someone in the face (not anyone in particular, just everyone who keeps asking me questions today) and then immediately afterward, I want to cry my eyes out..I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy..and then I realized why, which also made me realize that this is the first time in a really long time when chocolate or something sugar laden hasn't been my first response to feeling this way and it is hard, very, very hard. BUT, it's not worth losing my sea kayak over..so I shall just keep getting through the minutes until today is over, because I am stronger than chocolate.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Day 17
Constitution Day Challenge.. Cookies, cookies everywhere. We're offering cookies as part of our Constitution Day event. I must stay focused on the Kayak and the fact that today is Day 17.
Update: Success, not only did I not eat any cookies, I actually threw about 8 cookies away without even wanting to taste them.
Update: Success, not only did I not eat any cookies, I actually threw about 8 cookies away without even wanting to taste them.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Day 15
Woke up with a migrane, so food doesn't even sound good..but strangely, chocolate is calling very loudly today. But I'm just staying upstairs for the most part away from noise and the chocolate jar.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Day 14
Today wasn't particularly hard to keep on track...but I'm missing the fresh pineapple we usually have for dessert on Sunday nights...it helps with the "Sunday dessert" mindest. Today at church Em game me a Hershey's kiss she'd gotten in primary. She was so excited, she yelled, "I gave my Bef a candy." I love watching her share, so I slipped it in my pocket, took it home and when John opened our door I told him the story and he then enjoyed the candy for both of us...I'm glad he didn't take the no sugar vow...just the no pop or fast food vow..I would have felt awful if I had to throw away Emma's gift. As it is, John enjoyed it greatly.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Day 13
A full day with friends from Wyoming..corn maze, Tiny Town and dinner at White Fence Farm. I really feel like more and more activities are becoming about the actual activity and the people I'm with, instead of what we're going to eat. I did look at the dessert menu on at the restaurant. ..with the exception of the pies..none of it sounded particularly good. When we went into the stores in the back, there was a lot of sugar creations and I just chose to ignore them and look at puppets and knickknacks instead. It was a very full day and I did it all without the false sugar life and Johnny did it without a Coke. Yeah for us!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Day 12
I'm munchy and I have to buy lunch today..not a good combination. I need to make up my mind about what I want before I head out, or risk hunger + munchies = bad food choices. I'm thinking soup would be nice since it's raining. Think I'll call the soup line and find out what's on offer.
Update: Soup line didn't interest me. Got a hot roastbeef sandwhich and an apple instead. Yes the brownies looked very very good. So good that I could almost taste them, but I did not give in..I just kept thinking "Sea kayak, sea kayak, sea kayak, day 12." Got my sandwhich to go and came back to the office to eat it.
Is this what is called "white knuckled sobriety?"
Update: Soup line didn't interest me. Got a hot roastbeef sandwhich and an apple instead. Yes the brownies looked very very good. So good that I could almost taste them, but I did not give in..I just kept thinking "Sea kayak, sea kayak, sea kayak, day 12." Got my sandwhich to go and came back to the office to eat it.
Is this what is called "white knuckled sobriety?"
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Day 11
September 11th is a lot of things to a lot of people. Flags are flying at half mast all over town in honor of the people who died on the flights, in the Towers and trying to rescue people. On a happier note, it's my neice's birthday...so I try to focus on that since she's such a ray of sunshine in my life.
For me personally, there's one other more private trauma that started on Sept 11, 2001...the beginning of the end of a serious relationship that made me question myself, my judgement, and my self worth. I don't ever mourn the actual relationship, because as I look back, going through the bad relationship is what helped me find John and I'd go through Hell itself if it meant I got to be married to John. In many ways I did walk through Hell to get to John. September 11th brings back those feelings of self doubt and anger - how could I be such a poor judge of character? Was I so desperate to be married that I set aside all standards of how I deserved to be treated and instead let myself fall for the big woo - a person who wasn't at all who he had portrayed himself to be? It's far too easy to vilify people once a relationship ends when one is hurt, bitter and angry. Yet, I've always seemed to vilify myself, thinking that I was just a sucker who was taken in, that I'd wanted to see goodness in him where there wasn't any.
As John and I talked about that this morning he said, "You know, he probably was kind in his own country, in his own environment..but he was so far out of his comfort zone, culture shock is so overwhelming and demoralizing, that he couldn't cope." It thought about that and realized how overwhelming working through the 5 stages of culture shock was for John and for the first time I could look at that past relationship with a little more clarity and compassion. Not just for the other person involved, but also for myself. I think this insite healed a little piece of my soul that's been raw for seven years..and gave me a little more strength to continue taking care of myself, because I'm worth it.
It also really made me appreciate John. Not once during the past three years when he has struggled to find his American legs and a sense of direction has he lashed out at me. He's never screamed at me, berated me or made me feel like his struggles were my fault. Instead he has told me over and over again that I'm worth every bit of heartache and trial. That even if he knew how hard an adjustment it would be, he would still go through it to be with me. I guess my challenge is to love myself as much as John loves me, without a sugar coating of numbness to dull the hard parts.
For me personally, there's one other more private trauma that started on Sept 11, 2001...the beginning of the end of a serious relationship that made me question myself, my judgement, and my self worth. I don't ever mourn the actual relationship, because as I look back, going through the bad relationship is what helped me find John and I'd go through Hell itself if it meant I got to be married to John. In many ways I did walk through Hell to get to John. September 11th brings back those feelings of self doubt and anger - how could I be such a poor judge of character? Was I so desperate to be married that I set aside all standards of how I deserved to be treated and instead let myself fall for the big woo - a person who wasn't at all who he had portrayed himself to be? It's far too easy to vilify people once a relationship ends when one is hurt, bitter and angry. Yet, I've always seemed to vilify myself, thinking that I was just a sucker who was taken in, that I'd wanted to see goodness in him where there wasn't any.
As John and I talked about that this morning he said, "You know, he probably was kind in his own country, in his own environment..but he was so far out of his comfort zone, culture shock is so overwhelming and demoralizing, that he couldn't cope." It thought about that and realized how overwhelming working through the 5 stages of culture shock was for John and for the first time I could look at that past relationship with a little more clarity and compassion. Not just for the other person involved, but also for myself. I think this insite healed a little piece of my soul that's been raw for seven years..and gave me a little more strength to continue taking care of myself, because I'm worth it.
It also really made me appreciate John. Not once during the past three years when he has struggled to find his American legs and a sense of direction has he lashed out at me. He's never screamed at me, berated me or made me feel like his struggles were my fault. Instead he has told me over and over again that I'm worth every bit of heartache and trial. That even if he knew how hard an adjustment it would be, he would still go through it to be with me. I guess my challenge is to love myself as much as John loves me, without a sugar coating of numbness to dull the hard parts.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Day 10
Since I woke up this morning, John's been telling me that "We're in double digits!" I'm quite proud to have reached this milestone, John just loves streaks. It's getting a little easier every day..until about 3:00 when the ants arrive in my pants and I go roaming the office to shake off restlessness. Used to be, I'd pop in on Madeline to say hey and snag a couple jelly beans (they've stopped talking out loud to me btw, now they're just a dull murmur that I can ignore) or stop by the chocolate jar for a nice bit of sweeties. Instead, I just go down and talk to my friends. I think that's what I'm noticing. It used to be that I used sugar as an excuse to wander for a few minutes and clear my mind, now I'm just going to visit people and that's much nicer, especially since my afternoon mood swings are vastly improving. Hurrah!
Also doing a spectacular job on this weeks goals of 15 minutes exercise, lotion and consuming vast quantities of produce. Hurrah!
***Special treat for John tonight..there's a new Fish and Chips place on Broadway that's supposed to be the best in town. PLUS they're showing the highlights from the Scotland/Iceland Worldcup qualifying match. Scotland had to pull it out in order to progress and thankfully they did so 2-1. Comfort food and Scottish football - Hurrah!
Also doing a spectacular job on this weeks goals of 15 minutes exercise, lotion and consuming vast quantities of produce. Hurrah!
***Special treat for John tonight..there's a new Fish and Chips place on Broadway that's supposed to be the best in town. PLUS they're showing the highlights from the Scotland/Iceland Worldcup qualifying match. Scotland had to pull it out in order to progress and thankfully they did so 2-1. Comfort food and Scottish football - Hurrah!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Day 9
Captain's log Day 9. After staying up too late to watch the Broncos Game, arose at 0500 hours to stretch mind and body with yoga, followed by energizing herbal tea, spiritual readings, prayer, meditation and journal writing. Ate breakfast comprising of cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, raspberries, and whole wheat toast. Upon completion of grooming ritual, drove to work and arrived on time and in a prepared focused manner to take on day's challenges. Legs still very sore from 15 minute workout last night, in particular the weakened right leg is suffering, but confident that it will quickly regain strength and balance.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Day 8
Well, we've made it to Day 8. All I can say for today is "FRUIT" thus far this morning I've had peaches, grapes and some fresh pineapple. I have a plum for this afternoon...and a mini veggie tray to snack from. This article I read said that the first week of going sugarless all you should concentrate on is actually not eating sugar. Now that a week is up. I'm adding the following three things:
1. Exercise for 15 minutes every day.
2. Eat four fruits and five servings of vegetables everyday.
3. Put lotion on every morning (this is in preparation for the winter itchiness that always shows up in November, but I also thought it was a good way to take care of myself with something other than food.)
John's on day 8 as well....Monday mornings are hard for him and he wanted a Red Bull, but he said no and I'm proud of him!
1. Exercise for 15 minutes every day.
2. Eat four fruits and five servings of vegetables everyday.
3. Put lotion on every morning (this is in preparation for the winter itchiness that always shows up in November, but I also thought it was a good way to take care of myself with something other than food.)
John's on day 8 as well....Monday mornings are hard for him and he wanted a Red Bull, but he said no and I'm proud of him!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Day 7
I'm cranky today. John wants a coke, I want chocolate and together we're just trying to make it through today without giving in. I won't let him, and he won't let me so we'll make it to day 8 somehow.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Day 6
We had the family Olympics today (they had been postponed due to rain during the actual Olympics) We ordered Chinese food for lunch and I wanted a fortune cookie because that's how you finish a Chinese meal. As it was, I opened it, gave it to Lacey and we shared the fortune. We put the house up on the market and I'm feeling scared and nervous. But, I will not buy icecream to mask the feelings. I'll think about my sea kayak instead.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Day 5
No aches and no pains, the physical part of withdrawl seems to be over. Just went to the eye doctor. John's appointment was the one before mine, so he waited for me to get out so we could at least spend five minutes together...drat his having to work through lunch all the time of late so we don't get home at 7:30. Anyway, I'm glad he stayed, the Russel's store next door to the doc has the most delicious chocolate cake..love 'em and ever since I saw the Dolly Madison truck with zingers, chocolate cake etc. on it this morning I've been seriously craving chocolate cake. Therefore so that I don't sit here thinking about all the yummy chocolate goodies within a 1/2 blocks distance I'm going to write them down and see if that helps:
Brownies from the Wall Street Deli
Brownies from three sisters
Chocolate cake at Russles
Well there's the normal chocolate M&M's etc in the vending machine downstairs, as well as across both streets at Russels.
Hot chocolate from Starbucks
Chocolate mint brownies from Statbucks
Chocolate icecream at Russles
Do I feel better? Not yet, but I know that if I can make it through today and then through going to a resturant tonight with friends that I'll be in good shape.
I posted this and then had an insight..I miss eating lunch with John. I don't eat chocolate during the day generally on the days I see him. Chocolate has always been a comfort for loneliness, eat the chocolate don't feel alone. I like it at other times in group situations like birthdays or something..but when I'm lonely I head for chocolate. Depressed is creamy..cheesecake, icecream or pudding. Stressed is candy, especially milkyway bars or twix. Happy is cookies. hmmm...maybe not eating sugar really will make me look at the emotions I've been trying to keep hidden.
Brownies from the Wall Street Deli
Brownies from three sisters
Chocolate cake at Russles
Well there's the normal chocolate M&M's etc in the vending machine downstairs, as well as across both streets at Russels.
Hot chocolate from Starbucks
Chocolate mint brownies from Statbucks
Chocolate icecream at Russles
Do I feel better? Not yet, but I know that if I can make it through today and then through going to a resturant tonight with friends that I'll be in good shape.
I posted this and then had an insight..I miss eating lunch with John. I don't eat chocolate during the day generally on the days I see him. Chocolate has always been a comfort for loneliness, eat the chocolate don't feel alone. I like it at other times in group situations like birthdays or something..but when I'm lonely I head for chocolate. Depressed is creamy..cheesecake, icecream or pudding. Stressed is candy, especially milkyway bars or twix. Happy is cookies. hmmm...maybe not eating sugar really will make me look at the emotions I've been trying to keep hidden.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Day 4
I'm happy to report the aching has diminished and now the mental torture has begun. I haven't been downstairs to the library but once today. A quick in and out to grab the mail cart and key and rush down to the mailroom and back. I was afraid to go near the chocolate or the jelly beans...seriously is it normal to think that jelly beans can talk to you? "Come here, Stephanie, enjoy our tropical flavor that reminds you of your one legged Florida trip with John, Rae and Tam," say the pina colada flavors. "Ignore them and come taste our cinnamony goodness" responds the red with yellow flecked ones. Fortunately, above the tasty ones I can hill the shrill high pitched butter popcorn beans screaming, "Popcorn, get your nasty, fake microwave popcorn." Those buttered popcorn jelly bellys are tricky because they can easily be mistaken for pina coladas, unless your listening closely, which I am.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Day 3
Ok, so today is harsh. I woke up still achey like I'm getting the flu. I ate a good breakfast with a banana..which helps with the desire for something sweet. I did my yoga. I read my inspirational message for the day. I prayed. I wrote in my journal. Then I packed an awesome lunch with healthy snacks to keep me going through the day and away from the vending machine at 3:00. On the way to work, I realized I'd totally forgotten my lunch in the fridge.. John donated his grapes and little peaches to the cause..and yet here I am at 11:31 so hungry that you can hear my stomache growling, still with the nasty headache and sore body and I'm on the reference desk so little peaches aren't really allowed. In the past, I'd eat 2-4 of the little chocolate bars Katherine keeps in her jar or a handful of jelly beans from Madeline's dish, enough to give me a little sugar buzz to keep me going until lunch.
Instead of the sugar buzz, I decided to write about the sugar buzz. Right now 365 days seems endless. Yet, I keep thinking about Colton's statment "It's a lifestyle" as he chugged his water from the giant thermos he carries with him everywhere.
Instead of the sugar buzz, I decided to write about the sugar buzz. Right now 365 days seems endless. Yet, I keep thinking about Colton's statment "It's a lifestyle" as he chugged his water from the giant thermos he carries with him everywhere.
Day 2
Day 2, well I was so excited by ideas for work, and the idea of my sea kayak that it zoomed by, until about 5:00 when I got the most awful headache..serious pain. I realized on the way home that I'd had a terrible time concentrating all day, that I was figity and unfocused. My body really aches as well, like I have the flu. I wonder if this is a normal reaction to stopping sugar cold turkey.
Day 1
Today is the first day of the No Sugar for a Year = a sea kayak challenge. The first day sucked..that's mostly because I was on a roadtrip. Driving across the windswept prarie of I80 with no M&Ms was a harsh introduction to this experience.
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